Holy cow! I’m shocked at how much I didn’t say, didn’t want to say, when I initially wrote my cancer story. I’m shocked at how poorly it was written.
I was hurting. It was raw. I was still dealing with the emotional turmoil that is going through immediate menopause.
I thought it was okay. I thought I was okay.
I wanted so badly to help other women who were facing the same choices I’d faced. Been scared, been strong, been through it. I wanted to be a beacon of hope: There is life after cancer.
There is life after a premature hysterectomy.
Breathe. Slowly. Deeply. Fully.
Today, I received a Facebook reminder that it’d been 1 year since I’d posted that story. One year since I’d typed it up quickly in the early days of rebooting my blog.
I’d never looked back. Not once.
It was crap.
I went back and made some revisions to my cancer story. I can remember how raw I felt writing it down.
How dirty it was to write that down. How I wanted to get it out so it wasn’t taking hold of me. It didn’t own me. I wanted my secret out and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
It was great! It felt great! It read horribly!
So thank you to those of you who’ve been here from the start — even after that terrible, horrificly written post. It’s really not much better now, but I got that same familiar, uncomfortable pit in my stomach. I just can’t do anything more with it.
Time really does heal all wounds. Some wounds heal more slowly than others.
I also found out today that my son was right: I do need to study up on my grammar, but that’s another story altogether 😉
So thank you for reading. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for finding me if this is all new.
I started my blog thinking I’d really use my voice, my writing, to get information and support out to other women diagnosed with cancer. I haven’t really done so. A few plugs here and there for cancer screening – Yay – but nothing substantial.
Maybe that’s okay.
But wholly, within me, I really can’t. I will, but not now. Now, I want to focus on life. I want to focus on freedom from pain and, literally, bloody messes. I want to celebrate the mundane, the significant, the insignificant with those I love.
This past year has really been another year of healing for me not only physically, but emotionally and I can’t begin to thank you all for your support!!