cancer · Writing

Ovarian Cancer: Reflections on 2016

Holy cow! I’m shocked at how much I didn’t say, didn’t want to say, when I initially wrote my cancer story. I’m shocked at how poorly it was written.

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Bikurgurl 2016, Happiness Selfie

I was hurting. It was raw. I was still dealing with the emotional turmoil that is going through immediate menopause.

I thought it was okay. I thought I was okay.

I wasn’t.

I wanted so badly to help other women who were facing the same choices I’d faced. Been scared, been strong, been through it. I wanted to be a beacon of hope: There is life after cancer.

There is life after a premature hysterectomy.

Breathe. Slowly. Deeply. Fully.

Today, I received a Facebook reminder that it’d been 1 year since I’d posted that story. One year since I’d typed it up quickly in the early days of rebooting my blog.

I’d never looked back. Not once.

It was crap.

I went back and made some revisions to my cancer story. I can remember how raw I felt writing it down.

How dirty it was to write that down. How I wanted to get it out so it wasn’t taking hold of me. It didn’t own me. I wanted my secret out and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

It was great! It felt great! It read horribly!

So thank you to those of you who’ve been here from the start — even after that terrible, horrificly written post. It’s really not much better now, but I got that same familiar, uncomfortable pit in my stomach. I just can’t do anything more with it.

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Bikurgurl 2016, Selfies

For now.

Time really does heal all wounds. Some wounds heal more slowly than others.

I also found out today that my son was right: I do need to study up on my grammar, but that’s another story altogether πŸ˜‰

So thank you for reading. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for finding me if this is all new.

I started my blog thinking I’d really use my voice, my writing, to get information and support out to other women diagnosed with cancer. I haven’t really done so. A few plugs here and there for cancer screening – Yay – but nothing substantial.

Maybe that’s okay.

But wholly, within me, I really can’t. I will, but not now. Now, I want to focus on life. I want to focus on freedom from pain and, literally, bloody messes. I want to celebrate the mundane, the significant, the insignificant with those I love.

This past year has really been another year of healing for me not only physically, but emotionally and I can’t begin to thank you all for your support!!

Thank you

@Bikurgurl_watermark

14 thoughts on “Ovarian Cancer: Reflections on 2016

      1. Hey, I checked out Ben Franklin’s–there’s one in Monroe…not that I could get there, but who knows? Maybe one day–so thanks for mentioning it. I still remember the “notions” counter–they were things we could afford on our tiny allowance!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I find that I do much more looking and getting inspiration than anything in Ben Franklin….well, except for the Leuchtruum…still getting it set up and can’t wait to get details up on my blog! I’m thinking I’ll create some printables, but it’s all going down in my Travelers Notebooks to plan in my Bullet Journal πŸ™‚

        Like

  1. It’s easy to look back on something we wrote and find all the errors. But don’t forget to look at all that is right and and at the passion and care behind it because that is really what matters most πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree more! I was surprised to look back on the words and realize how painful it was to write. However, in the moment, I felt like it was just the words I had hidden in my heart. A year later, I see it was really the culmination of my fears and anxiety over having had the diagnosis, the surgery, and it allowed me to begin to drop the facade that I was strong. I had to face the fact I needed to put it to the side, gather my courage and strength, to continue down the path of recovery. Thank you so much for stopping by — I do appreciate your thoughts and kindness so much in this journey πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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