As I struggle with having a voice in real life, I realize that what’s been keeping me from writing on-line is finding my voice on-line.

In my daily writing, free-writing practice, working on my novel, I have no limit to the words. Words, thoughts, ideas, complete or not, come in waves and they flow. It could be that the words flow so limitlessly because they are my thoughts, in my notebooks, for me. Will I share my thoughts? Perhaps.

But maybe not.

So I find myself in these writing exercises holding back. Writing with mental confines of knowing that there are readers, however many or few, that may see my thoughts. These people will read my words. My words, thoughts, ideas will be judged. I might get *gasp* negative reactions!

Am I afraid of the criticism? I didn’t think so, but as I have evaluated my writing over the past couple of months since I’ve re-started my blog, I find that I’ve been very limited in what I’ll write about, my content isn’t focused, but scattered. In the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. This blog, the writing, isn’t for anyone but me. At the end of the day, I’d like to think my writing made a difference to others, but at the risk of sounding needy — I want people to like it.

So I suppose I’ve been writing about mundane things as I get my feet wet. As I get used to having my thoughts and words on a screen in front of me. I’ve never been an open book, I’ve always spoken my mind, but revealing who you are on the inside in so vulnerable — yet liberating. In my handwritten writing, my innermost feelings and thoughts flow effortlessly. My handwriting becomes loopy and erratic as I get into the thoughts and push to write the fleeting words on paper. As I concentrate on details, the handwriting becomes small and compact — especially when I’m trying to write down memories or am thinking very hard about how it feels to be in a certain place, at a certain time, using my imagination and being very intentional about my words.

My writing here is just, safe. Safe, boring, and mediocre. The longer I try to write within the confines of this “safe” “security”, I find myself less and less inspired to write more. I’ve been looking for fun patterns to take photos of with my smart phone to add to random blog posts that rarely materialize. I sit down at my laptop to write and realize that I’d rather be reading a book or writing by hand, so I’ve given myself that grace to step away.

Besides, there are so many writing opportunities in the real world right now! I’m gathering together my thoughts for those posted recently on this blog, my Bikurgurl Blog Facebook Page, and Twitter account. The blog is fun to learn new things, a new way to get thoughts out, and as a Facebook Friend of mine suggested: Find a focus for your blog to focus your writing. Maybe I’ll do that; I see the wisdom in it, but I’m really interested in writing random things just for me.

As I try to put some question to my readers at the bottom of every post, I think about what YOU are writing about? What are you creating? What is your vision? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

What are you writing today?

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”